Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is something that’s been lingering in my mind as of recently. It’s defined in Merriam-Webster as “a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one's abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success” and this could not speak more to my own experience as a freelance creative. 

While I don’t do freelance full-time, it’s something that’s seemed to amp up as of 2026, and I continuously have to remind myself that this is my reality. I get to work from home full-time at an artist residency; which has honestly been my dream job for so long, as well as work on my freelance career in the meantime; which is something I never thought I’d get to do. 

For instance, I set up a Square account for an upcoming market recently, and I kept saying “what the heck” to both of my partners as I realized that in doing so, I was starting to cement the fact that I was finally doing this. It also showed in updating things that I procrastinated updating because I never thought I would need to, since I didn’t think there was even a chance of it being relevant or turning into something. 

In doing all these things recently, I realized just how much my past self was standing in my own way. That by neglecting to update my website, my socials, or taking 20 minutes to set up an app, I was placing roadblocks in my way that were preventing me from actually taking this thing seriously. I was placing doubt in myself that stopped me from even trying in the first place. 

I always thought that I’d know the right moment to take action and start taking myself seriously. That I’d wake up one day and say “Now. Now is the time where I can start this and I have full confidence in myself” and I’d magically have that kind of mindset. But over time, I’ve realized that that’s not how that works. There isn’t a “right moment” or specific level of trust or confidence that I needed in myself to start making moves. The more creatives I meet who are exactly where I want to be, the more I realize that nobody actually knows what they’re doing.

While that might be a terrifying thought to some, that nobody has things “figured out” and we’re all just floating along without a plan. But for me, it was weirdly inspiring? The fact that nobody knew what they were doing, but were still doing well for themselves and for their artistic career gave me peace of mind that I’m right where they are and that opens so many opportunities for me to grow and thrive. I thought it was about trusting myself or having self confidence, but really, it was about alignment.

Over the past year, I thought about where I want to be artistically. What things I’d like to achieve, what kinds of jobs I’d want, and what I wanted to do with my energy and time. That’s when I started telling people. I’d tell anyone who would listen that I wanted an arts-based job where I could combine my administrative skills. I told people how I wanted to pick up freelance work where I could get it on the side. I started talking to friends about their creative endeavours and pitched collaborative ideas. I started meeting more and more creative people and opening myself up to possibility. And it changed my world in such a short amount of time, that I can’t believe I didn’t start sooner!

That takes us back to now. I’ve got an amazing job with the Similkameen Artist Residency, I’m working alongside the South Okanagan Renaissance Fair as their lead artist, I’m working with the Penticton & District Arts Council on some behind-the-scenes things, and on top of all of that, I’m founding an artist collective with a good friend of mine in addition to taking up freelance work. And while I’ve got a lot on my plate and am almost always busy, I couldn’t be more thankful. 

I saw a quote recently online that says “Don’t complain about a full plate when your goal was to eat” and it really shifted the mindset I was in. All of the things I’m doing now are things that my past self was begging for. And while the imposter syndrome creeps in now and again, I have to remind myself that these opportunities would have never been offered to me if people didn’t think I was capable in the first place. I’ve done so much work on myself in terms of education, career, practice, and mental health, that by now, of course I’m capable. And even though in the beginning, I had so much self doubt that I didn’t know what I was doing, or that I wasn’t going to be able to accomplish this much, I’ve continuously proven myself wrong.

It’s not about magically having yourself together and doing the things, it’s about showing up, aligning yourself with your goals, and proving yourself wrong time and time again. Was it easy to get to this point? No. But I can say with every fibre of my being that it is 100% worth it. Past me would be so amazed at what I’ve done and where I’m at, and that’s who I do it for.